Artifact Three: Trying To Fit In To A Different Culture

In The Distance Between Us, there were many occasions when Reyna, Carlos or Mago felt like they didn’t belong in the United States. From this, we know that when people move to the United States they’d feel out of place, just like the Grande’s did. But have you ever thought about someone moving to Mexico and feeling out of place? That’s when the story about Naomi, her husband Joshua and there three kids comes into play. They began their family in Spain and lived there for eight years. Joshua then got his job transferred to Mexico City and Naomi didn’t want to go, she admitted she was nervous because Mexico’s culture is so different than Spain’s. But what Mexico was actually like came as a real surprise to her. 

On Reyna’s first day of school in the United States, her teacher taught her that here in the United States, we only use one last name, not two. She felt as if she was betraying her mother that she already lost, but that wasn’t the case. Reyna was just adopting to a new culture and allowing it to effect her life. Like Reyna, Naomi and her family had to adopt to Mexico’s customs. She immediately noticed how different they greet each other. In Mexico the children will always give adults a peck on the cheek has a greeting or salutation even when her children were having playdates. From my personal experience here in the U.S., there’s about a 50% chance that kids will even say hi to the parents and there’s definitely not a kiss on the cheek involved.

Humans being humans just can’t ignore it when we see people that are different than us. My friends have told me when they’ve traveled to Asia, people will be in awe of their blonde hair and be asked for a picture wherever they went. When Naomi’s family first arrived to Mexico, she always noticed people passing by would be squealing. She thought it had something to do with all three of her children having red hair and a friend confirmed she was right! She said people would pinch each other because when Mexicans see a redhead, the first one to pinch a friend gets a wish. This wasn’t a negative reaction to someone being different like Reyna experienced. Kids would call her mean names like “wetback” and when she lived in Mexico her neighbors would snicker at her calling her an orphan. She was also constantly made fun of her name, Reyna Grande, meaning Big Queen; and they laughed saying that she’s no queen. We all know that saying that we were told about a million times in elementary school, “Treat people the way you would like to be treated,” and that’s nothing but the truth.  

One of Naomi's children at school

Naomi would meet parents at her kids’ school and they’d all come together for dinner. She said, “…they stepped right into our lives and invited us into theirs…” Naomi shared that this never happened in Spain which is like a private culture, that you’d have to know someone forever before you would ‘impose’ like that. She loved how in Mexico it’s all about getting together with friends for dinner in the rooftop and laughing and talking all night long. This is a big contrast to Reyna’s experience in the United States. The other kids at her table weren’t nice to her and she never made friends all through elementary school, and she was definitely never invited over to a friends house for dinner. Her father wouldn’t even let her go play after school with other kids in her neighborhood. 

This picture proves that even though they may be different, it
doesn't mean they can't be friends

When Reyna came to the United States, she spoke no English which meant she’d have to learn a whole new language in addition to fitting into a new culture. She had a difficult time with English at first but then her determination kicked in and she became fluent in English! Naomi and her kids didn’t have to learn a whole new language but Naomi noticed how differently people in Mexico would speak compared to those in Spain. In Spain people would say, “Give me a coffee” and in Mexico people would say, “Good morning. How are you doing? Can you please gift me a coffee, if you can?” I know from personal experience that English says some weird things. For example, it seems like now whenever someone tells a story now it’s, “He was like…then I was like…” Since when did we replace the world said with like? Things like this were especially confusing to Reyna. She remember her teacher telling her that in English adjectives come before the noun but when the sentence, “The girl had a pretty difficult time.” She was beyond confused on why it wasn’t the pretty girl. This shows how confusing English can be, especially when we start replacing the word said with like. 

Naomi's children learning and beginning to appreciate
a new culture

Naomi shared that even though everyone was so welcoming, no matter where she went she felt out of place. She said there were such wealth extremes in Mexico: the extremely rich and the extremely poor and she never seemed to fit in. She said it was one of her biggest struggles living in Mexico City. “This constant juxtaposition of excess and need keeps my heart and mind racing, pushing me to evaluate what I own and why I own it; pushing me to ask myself if I find my identity in my belongings or social status; forcing me to dig deeper into what genuine need is, and what we as a family can do to care for people in need.”

Naomi's family is an example of how people don't just migrate from Mexico to the United States, but people do move from other places in the world to Mexico. Eventually the Grande’s learned the customs of the United States the same way Naomi’s family learned Mexico’s customs. Although they both felt extremely out of place at first, they learned how to fit in and appreciate the new life they were given.